My Open Letter sa Lalaking Bigay ni God Sakin

My Open Letter sa Lalaking Bigay ni God Sakin:

Kamusta ka na? I'm wondering if you're okay now..
Masaya ka ba ngayon o umiiyak ka pa rin?
But above all, I hope you're too busy building up yourself to become the best man that you could ever be..

Habang di pa tayo nagkikita sana God is giving you frequent tests to strengthen your patience.. Topakin kasi ako at ang pride ko abot langit!

Sana maturuan mo 'ko..
Turuan mo 'ko sa mga bagay na di ko pa alam..
Di ko pa kasi alam magtiwala at di ko rin alam mag mahal ng may tinitira sa sarili..

Sana maintindihan mo 'ko..
Intindihin mo na madami akong drama at kaarterhan sa katawan..
wag kang mairita, kasi mahal na mahal ko ang sarili ko..
Masaya ako pag nag memake up ako, nag lolotion, nagpapabango at kung ano-ano pa..
May mga pagkakatyaon na pag nasa mall tayo bibili ako ng ga bagay na nagustuhan ko lang..
Mahilig akong mamasyal at mag try ng bago..
At wag mong silang  aalisin sakin kasi yan ang mga bagay na nagpapasaya sakin.. 

 May mga araw na ipagluluto kita... alam ko rin na may mga pagkakataong hindi masarap ang mga lulutuin ko so its up to you kung pano ako i-cheer up..

Ngayon pa lang magsosorry na ako ha.. kasi baka pagdating mo, di kita agad pansinin.. tsagain mo lang ako.. alam mo na, ayaw ko na kasing magmadali.. baka mali nanaman ee.. hehe.. Hindi ako perfect.. marami akong insecurities sa katawan.. immature ako minsan.. Pero sana mag stay ka no matter what..

Pagdating mo sana okay na ako.. Ready na ulit.. Para hindi rin unfair sayo.. Ingat ka ha.. Mahalin mo sarili mo and pray lang tayo kay God.. Magkikita rin tayo... Hihintayin kita.. ;)

I Love you Goodbye Sir

I love the way you smile.. I love those sincere stares whether you're  making a joke or just sharing something.. The touch of your nose for every kiss that gives me chills.. and how you eagerly reach and hold my hand for a long time..You saw me in almost every way that I should be seen... and the most important thing is, you stayed...

Naalala mo? Nung una akong umalis sayo? How I wish wala kang girlfriend that time.. Kasi kung wala, I know I would have chose you instead... na until now, I still feel the guilt because I left. Pero naalala mo ba? Sa mga times na nahihirapan ako, I still long to reach you out... Kasi I know you know what's better for me.. I can hear something good from you.. Nakikinig ako sayo kasi I look up on you.. ganun kasi kita inaidolized (haha). Kaso nung mga times na wala ako sayo, marami na rin palang nangyari, that somehow changed your perspectives in life. Di ko alam kung sino nagbago satin. But one thing is for sure..May nagbago.

For the times that I need a shoulder to lean on nanjan ka, thank you... I'm sorry kasi parang naging sponge ka, ikaw nag absorb lahat ng hatred ko... pero thank you parin kasi kung di mo ginawa yun, baka napabayaan ko na ang sarili ko... From that moment sinabi ko sa sarili ko na kung magmamahal ako ulit, it will be you na.. pero hindi pala ganun kadali yun... kasi nag iba na ang standard nating dalawa... I keep on wanting more from you... na parang unfair sayo kasi baka yun na ang full effort mo... I love you... but I dont know how deep it is... 

I think God's telling something... Tapos na ba ang role natin sa isa't isa? Do you still want to be with the confused me? Date the uncertain one? To be with the one who wants more from you? I think hindi na kasi healthy tong relationship natin.. Ang unfair para sayo... at ayaw kong ganun.. Bye sir... I love you...But I don't want to use you... Hope you be with someone na made ni God para sayo... kung tayo..TAYO...in the right time...(kisses) till we meet again..hanggang dito na lang muna...

The Stronger Me

Hi, Isip Ipis is here again :)

Nagmahal, Nasaktan, Nagblog!!! (hahaha)

We tend to experience different kind of love in different kind person we chose to love...Marami na po akong minahal.. and every break up feels like the first time.. masakit... nakakabaliw.. nakakababa ng pagkatao.. "masama ba ako?" "walang kwenta?" "di talaga meant mahalin????!" "landian lang?" o "meant tumandang dalaga?" sa lahat ng tanong na yan, at the end of the day, I'm still broken... Talo si Isip Ipis..

Back to Zero. Gigising na lang at wala na lahat ng kinagisnan mo.. Lahat ng makita, naalala xa.. Masakit ulit.. nakakabaliw.. nakakainis.. pero ganun talaga.. nakakapagod at di mo malalaman kung kelan ka makakalimot.

Di ko na siya mahal. Nasasaktan lang ako kasi I feel so betrayed by the people na pinagkatiwalaan ko :)
There's a time na pag nalaman mo na yung totoo, mag coconnect na lahat at mabibigyan ng linaw "KUNG BAKIT" and by that time, you will feel disappointed because you've been with a person na di mo alam kung minahal ka or nagpapanggap lang na mahal ka niya. Yes minahal ka nya.. NOON. pero there's a time yung transition ng KAYO at BREAK UP nyo.. Nung mga time na yun, pinagpalit ka na nya.. (sad)

Pag nagmahal ako, sobra.. Pag nasaktan, sobra din.. Pagnagalit, mas sobra. Kaya kung ano-anong masasakit na salita na lang sinabi ko just to ease the pain.. Aba! unfair.. ako lang ang masakit ang loob? Magmumukmok? Habang siya masaya na sa iba (haha). Pero after the words that I said, hindi parin ako masaya. Malungkot kasi kahit anong sabihin ko, di ko parin mababago yung katotohanang PINAGPALIT ako :) Ang bitter!!!!! haha pero it's part.. Okay lang maging bitter at sumama ang loob.. Meaning minahal ko kasi xa ng walang reserba at totoong-totoo. Nilet go ko na xa and I know he's much happier now :) me? happy rin and contented..

There are some regrets... mga what ifs... what if I stayed with that man who made me feel special before my ex came to my life? Masaya ba kami sana ngayon? May anak na siguro ako sakanya ngayon.. haha (JOKE!) pero kidding aside..wasted time with the wrong one is a missed opportunity to be with the right one. If you're reading this (my special man before you, ex), I want to say sorry... Sorry for leaving you and reaching out again when I failed.. I'm sorry... for letting you hear all my sorrows and absorbing all the pain... Yet I want you to live your life and don't mind me... di mo ako responsibilidad... Thank you... for being there in my toughest days... for all the advice.. haha.. expert ka jan ;) THANK YOU sa lahat :) If the time is right and we feel right about each other I hope we can make it too.. but if not, you will always be my human diary :) my best hug and smirnoff buddy (kahit pinapanood mo lang ako).

I need to forgive myself from loving the wrong person. Now I'm hoping the best for them and the best for me :) Anyways I'm so much blessed with my family, friends and in my career.. Tama na muna yun :) The right man will come and stay. Period! haha..

Letting Go Be like

 “what does letting go actually look like?“. 

Letting go is a mere feeling of letting things happen no matter how bad the situation is and a hope that everything will be okay afterwards. By this, we tend to believe that the Universe will give that POWER to change our lives so it will make sense in the future.

When you find yourself attached, remember that 'letting go' is not 'getting rid' or 'throwing away'. It is just like holding a clock and letting go of it doesn't mean that we need to throw it. It is something about the way we grasp the clock. There is no point in throwing it because it is a good clock after all. It keeps good times and not heavy to carry around. All we need to do it to lay it aside, put it down gently, pick it up again when we need to see the time then lay it aside when necessary.  

But 'How do we let go?' Well for me, you just have to let go. Yes we will get so much frustrated at first but we need to accept the fact that the pain demands to be felt and we need to get used to it. If you try to analyze letting go in detail, you will just caught yourself making it too complicated. It is not something that you need to figure out by words but on something you actually did. There will be time in your life that you will get tired of suffering and overthinking. By then, your mind and body will just voluntarily seek to find something that will make you happy and contented again. Yes, you will get lost in the process but you need to keep on track and have faith that everything will be just fine. It is time to love yourself again.

Japanese people tend to put broken pieces together with gold just to remind us that there's still beauty in brokenness. Never fail to fall apart because it represents opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you'd been all along.

It is not about what letting go looks like.  It is about what it feels like.  It is the release of the attachment to a certain outcome.  We cannot control the manifestation and the timing.  We CAN control our thoughts and the need to force or control the outcome.  We CAN let go and believe that everything is always working towards our highest and greatest good in perfect peace.

Don't Give Your Love To Anyone!

I don’t want to use the word “love” far too casually in my life. I think some have mistreated the word. Love is powerful, it is profound, it is a word that builds and enriches. Yet love is not some simple relief to mend wounds, it is so much more than that, and deserves to be so much more than that.

Don’t often use the word love out of desperation just because you are afraid of losing something that was never really for you to begin with. The desire to express deep affection may cheapened the word, I’m telling you.

But that’s not the way things work.

I’ve been through several attempts to build a true forever-like relationship with some guys I used to love and ended in pain. I know the feeling of driving home alone with a heavy heart, wondering when the reality of the situation would sink in and the overwhelming sense of isolation would build its walls around me. I know the feeling when the presence or absence of the sun does not determine the greyness of the skies (wow! haha). No amount of pain is insignificant. And though we try to make it less than what it is, we can’t do anything because the reality is sometimes, life is filled with loneliness. This is a hard thing to accept, and often something we don’t want to believe about a world created by a loving God.

However, I believe Jesus knew this better than any of us.

Indeed I’m lost…but I was made this way to be found J

Love yourself first so you know what kind of love you deserve…

Today is I Love Myself Day!

Cheers!

SALAMAT SA ALAALA

Wag kang mag alala
kaya ko na tumayo mag isa
ayusin ang sarili, itikom ang bibig..
walang masakit na salita sa saaking labi
at simulang yakapin ang sarili..

SALAMAT.. sa alaala..
lumuluhang kahapon..
at sa konting panahon
wala nang muling papatak
sarili ko muna ang iisipin..

Kailangan na masanay muling mag isa..

Ako muna ang magmamahal sa sarili ko
hahanapin kung saan patungo..
magpapaagos sa daloy ng buhay
maghahanap ng mga kasagutan..

SALAMAT.. sa alaala
lumuluhang kahapon..
at sa konting panahon.
wala na muling papatak
sarili ko muna ang iisipin sa ngayon

kailangan na masanay muling mag isa..

An Open Letter To Mr You

It was way back before the thing called “us” when I intended to plan my life out based on what I want to see myself in the future. I thought I got everything figured out. Then, you entered unexpectedly in the most unexpected way and time. There was just something missing that I can see in your eyes. I guess that was the reason I let myself to be with you. Then you got broken. I got so obsessed in fixing you that I broke myself in the process. I depended so much in you that I didn’t notice I let my life revolved around you. You and only for you.

When you came, I didn’t even notice that I’m a product of a broken family. I tend to believe that it was you who made me changed my idea about marriage and family. Since then, you became my home. You are my home. You made everyday felt a little better and lighter.

With how you threw those words, even though you said you don’t mean it, something inside me is saying that you are starting to slip away. Too paranoid? Yes. I don’t want to dig even further because I don’t want us to end up hurting each other. But it’s troubling me... I know you are trying your best to be faithful and trying your best to do your duty to me as my partner. To all your efforts, I really want to say thank you. They are very much well appreciated. But in case you can’t feel the love anymore and someone already took my place in your heart, I want to know her.. I want to see the reason WHY you chose to forget our foundation of love because of her.. If you are not inlove yet, I want to know the reason why she made you that confused. Am I not enough?

But if your love is real, please give me the assurance of being your only one. Honestly I dont want your silly jokes of having an affair with another woman or your questions about you having someone else and how will I react to it. At the back of my head it seems that that you're trying to prepare me for something similar to your jokes. I know I have lots of attitudes that you don't like and I'm not the prettiest girl you know. But I think you know very well how much I love you and how desperate I am to find that one true relationship. My innermost desire of having someone who will never leave me and how I wish it was you already because for now, I'm so tired of trying :(