Don't Give Your Love To Anyone!

I don’t want to use the word “love” far too casually in my life. I think some have mistreated the word. Love is powerful, it is profound, it is a word that builds and enriches. Yet love is not some simple relief to mend wounds, it is so much more than that, and deserves to be so much more than that.

Don’t often use the word love out of desperation just because you are afraid of losing something that was never really for you to begin with. The desire to express deep affection may cheapened the word, I’m telling you.

But that’s not the way things work.

I’ve been through several attempts to build a true forever-like relationship with some guys I used to love and ended in pain. I know the feeling of driving home alone with a heavy heart, wondering when the reality of the situation would sink in and the overwhelming sense of isolation would build its walls around me. I know the feeling when the presence or absence of the sun does not determine the greyness of the skies (wow! haha). No amount of pain is insignificant. And though we try to make it less than what it is, we can’t do anything because the reality is sometimes, life is filled with loneliness. This is a hard thing to accept, and often something we don’t want to believe about a world created by a loving God.

However, I believe Jesus knew this better than any of us.

Indeed I’m lost…but I was made this way to be found J

Love yourself first so you know what kind of love you deserve…

Today is I Love Myself Day!

Cheers!

SALAMAT SA ALAALA

Wag kang mag alala
kaya ko na tumayo mag isa
ayusin ang sarili, itikom ang bibig..
walang masakit na salita sa saaking labi
at simulang yakapin ang sarili..

SALAMAT.. sa alaala..
lumuluhang kahapon..
at sa konting panahon
wala nang muling papatak
sarili ko muna ang iisipin..

Kailangan na masanay muling mag isa..

Ako muna ang magmamahal sa sarili ko
hahanapin kung saan patungo..
magpapaagos sa daloy ng buhay
maghahanap ng mga kasagutan..

SALAMAT.. sa alaala
lumuluhang kahapon..
at sa konting panahon.
wala na muling papatak
sarili ko muna ang iisipin sa ngayon

kailangan na masanay muling mag isa..

An Open Letter To Mr You

It was way back before the thing called “us” when I intended to plan my life out based on what I want to see myself in the future. I thought I got everything figured out. Then, you entered unexpectedly in the most unexpected way and time. There was just something missing that I can see in your eyes. I guess that was the reason I let myself to be with you. Then you got broken. I got so obsessed in fixing you that I broke myself in the process. I depended so much in you that I didn’t notice I let my life revolved around you. You and only for you.

When you came, I didn’t even notice that I’m a product of a broken family. I tend to believe that it was you who made me changed my idea about marriage and family. Since then, you became my home. You are my home. You made everyday felt a little better and lighter.

With how you threw those words, even though you said you don’t mean it, something inside me is saying that you are starting to slip away. Too paranoid? Yes. I don’t want to dig even further because I don’t want us to end up hurting each other. But it’s troubling me... I know you are trying your best to be faithful and trying your best to do your duty to me as my partner. To all your efforts, I really want to say thank you. They are very much well appreciated. But in case you can’t feel the love anymore and someone already took my place in your heart, I want to know her.. I want to see the reason WHY you chose to forget our foundation of love because of her.. If you are not inlove yet, I want to know the reason why she made you that confused. Am I not enough?

But if your love is real, please give me the assurance of being your only one. Honestly I dont want your silly jokes of having an affair with another woman or your questions about you having someone else and how will I react to it. At the back of my head it seems that that you're trying to prepare me for something similar to your jokes. I know I have lots of attitudes that you don't like and I'm not the prettiest girl you know. But I think you know very well how much I love you and how desperate I am to find that one true relationship. My innermost desire of having someone who will never leave me and how I wish it was you already because for now, I'm so tired of trying :(

An Open Letter To The Man Who Unexpectedly Came To My Life

We’re just been with one another for a short period of time but it feels like a lifetime because so much has changed to our lives.

Nung makasama kita sa training, especially nung “beast barracks” phase, never akong nagka-crush sau… Di kita napansin, basta ang alam ko lang, mabait ka at gentleman unlike sa iba… Sa totoo lang hindi ko nga alam yung exact moment na napansin kong special ka…(sorry!) Recognize na tau noon nung I started giving you some some sweet attention… Chat kahit ilang rooms away ka lang, first picture together, first sentinel partners, first movie together na tau lang, first kain sa labas, first byahe pauwi sa Pampanga….halos lahat ng first nandun na..! haha. Sabi nga:

"The most powerful symptom of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable." - Victor Hugo

Di naging madali satin magsimula. All of a sudden lahat na ng tao sa paligid tinatanong kung ano daw ba tayo. First time kong madeny ng harap-harapan at makarinig ng jokes na tagos talaga. Ngayon ko lang sasabihin sayo na naisip ko din noon na sukuan ka na lang…na siguro darating din yung taong hindi ako itatago at ipagmamalaki ako… pero everytime I was about to let you go, there’s something inside na di ka kayang pakawalan. At the end of the day masaya ako na kasama kita. Yung feeling na ayaw kong makita ang  sarili ko na di ka kasama. Yung feeling na willing akong mag take risk kasi alam kong ikaw ang gusto ko… kung masaktan man ako sa huli e okay lang..no regret.

Dumating din tau sa phase na may ibang tao who tried to win us back. However, we chose to stay. Thank you daddey..!

Despite the trials - we have made each other stronger. You have changed who I am and I attribute much of who I am now, to you. You have made me happier, stronger - you have also given me the cherished gift of your love and support in my times of pain. Salamat sa sobrang dami ng times na pinunasan mo mga luha ko sa mata at yakapin ako for comfort..I swear those memories gave you 100% pogi points..! haha

You’re not my first love but you came to be my greatest love - you always have been, you are strong - you are honest and critical. I might say half-jokingly that you're my better half some times - but you really and truly are.

You are one of the reasons why I keep on working, just to keep moving from day to day. You gave me a reason to truly live, to truly push myself beyond limits and even see myself with you years from now. You've given me a place and arms to cry in, to laugh in, and to grow in.

I am sorry that I can not always give you all the things you so richly deserve – and what I can give for now is the time that was left after a long tiring day sa office. To express how much I miss you and to let you feel that I’m with you kahit we’re miles away from each other. To let you feel that you can still be here with me. And be your mommey no matter what.

My gift to you is this - my expression of how much I truly value you, cherish you and how grateful I am - in spite of all the hard times – kabaliwan ko.. at sa mga times na sinasaktan ko lang sarili ko… you’re still there… we are way too far and uncertain of what will happen next... panghahawakan ko mga sinabi mo… I know you’re such a good man daddey… And very thankful ako to have you in my life…

Thank you for being who you are.

Thank you for being with me.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for letting me love you in return.

Isip_Ipis.

ISIP IPIS SA PROFESSION OF ARMS

"...They reject their rights to live where they choose, to say what they think and to dress as they like.."- Military Professionalism.

Eto nanaman,, Isip-ipis signing in...musta na po kayo? After 15 months of absence, eto na po si Isip-ipis: handa na para paglingkuran ang ating pinaka-mamahal na bansa!

I just can't imagine noon ay isa lamang akong "care-free" civilian na walang ibang gawin kundi magpayabang sa facebook at magpaka -girly sa buhay. Gigising sa umaga titingin sa salamin at titignan kung may epekto sa pinahid kagabi na pampa-puti.. Maliligo at mag aayos for more than 30 mins. Papasok sa trabaho, uupo sa harap ng computer, aalis ng hapon, gigimik ng gabi at uuwi sa bahay maliligo at matutulog. Basically ganito ang buhay ko noon....PERO! noon yun...

Ngayon gigising sa maingay na buggle ng "reveille" (military term ng buggle para sa pag gising ng mga tulog na cadete)  ng 0400H maliligo ng 5 mins magbibihis ng 3 mins, tatakbo ng 5 km uuwi sa barracks, maglilinis, mag pa-plantsa ng uniforms, mag tuturo ng mga very- lax na lower class, sisigaw, pagtitripan ang lower class, tatawa, kakain, mag- aaral, magpapalakas, mag di-drills at kung ano-ano pang iba pang pwedeng gawin. Matatapos ang araw ko ng isa paring buggle na tinatawag naming "taps" (military term ng buggle para sa pag tulog). Basically eto ang buhay ko ngayon bilang recognized na cadete. Medyo madali na compare nung mga unang araw ko dito dahil after 1 year ng training namin, naituro na ang lahat ng pwedeng ituro saamin upang maging isang responsableng cadete at disiplinadong opisyal sa hinaharap.

Ang lahat ng ito ay hindi madali para saakin. At lahat ng pinagdaanan ko dito ay pawang mga ala-ala na lamang na isasapuso at habang buhay kong pagsasalamatan dahil ang mga ala-alang iyon ang nag silbing daan para mahubog ang bagong ako na masasabi kong mas angat ako sa mga ordinaryong taong kasing edad ko ngayon.

Minsan naiinggit din ako sa mga kaibigan kong civilian sa tuwing nakikita kong nag papaka saya sila sa buhay nila..samantalang ako ay nililimitahan ng mga rules and regulation ng organisasyong ito…pero on the other hand naiisip ko din na “pwede ko din namang magawa ang mga nagawa nila palabas ko ee..”  Yun lang at malamang ay hindi nila kayang gawin ang mga gawa ko ditto sa loob ng training.

Ngayon any masasabi kong masaya na ako sa buhay ko…at least ngayon may foresight ako kung ano ang pwede ko pang maabot sa hinaharap..Who knows? Si Isip ipis ay maging piloto diba? Pwede din naman maging Logistician o radar officer? Ah basta sa ngayon eto napo si isip ipis…closer of becomming great for the Filipino people and for the country!

Signing off.. babye! 

Buhay Empleyado ni Isip-Ipis

Dati ay isa lang akong College Student na nag-aaral ng mabuti humihingi ng baon at naglalasing kasama ng mga barkada pero ngayon,,wow! Empleyado na po ako..!

Masaya pag sumasahod ka na, may pera ka at nabibili mo na ang gusto mo, di man lahat pero halos lahat :) dati ang favorite day ko ay Saturday at Sunday pero ngayon masaya ako ng 15th at 30th day of the month! Masaya pag nakakatulong ka sa pamilya at maaasahan ka na nila..

Naging Virtual Assistant ako sa isang realtor sa California at Florida. Parang call center ang peg pero ito kasi more sa emails at bank transactions. Napakahirap maging VA, unang-una sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, (i mean gabi-gabi pala) ay puro amerikano ang kausap ko so bumabaha po ng dugo sa cubicle ko..! (haha) pangalawa: konting mali mo lang may penalty sa p*tang in*ng banko na yan kaya ang outcome ay self pity at hiya kay boss. May kalakihan ang sahod ko noon pero di ako nakapag-ipon masyado kasi enjoy na enjoy ang bawat sentimo ng sahod ko noon.. Dumating yung tym na nawalan ako ng self worth at parang gusto kong ayusin ang buhay ko..so after more than 6 months umalis ako sa ganung klaseng buhay.

Here comes my second job, as Accounting Assistant..wow sosyal ng pangalan..!(haha) pero unlike sa pagiging VA ko, minimum lang sahod ko..PERO! dito i learned so much about business. Parang magic nga kasi sa work ko nakaroon ako ng laptop,iphone at nakapag aral ako ng MBA. Di ko masasabing masaya ako di ko rin masasabing unsatisfied pero neutral lang ang feeling. Dito kakilala ko iba't ibang uri ng tao at kung pano ko sila itrato at sekreto na lang,,! Di ko namamalayan lagpas na ako ng one year dito at parang nawawalan nanaman ako ng self worth..

Sa ngayon, February 13, 2014 ay kasalukuyan akong napapraning kung nakapasa kaya ako sa pinag-examan kong another career..This time something different at sobrang hirap pero sana lang makapasa ako.

Life is all about acceptance at making the best of what you have. Kung puro inggit at insecurities ang meron sa puso mo, di ka aasenso at di ka mag gogrow..To friends out there don't live with somebody's life.. I mean do what you want and express yourself..Madami akong kilala na until now stagnant sa life kahit madami nang pera..bakit kaya? kasi wala pa silang napo-prove na nagawa nila para sa sarili nila at para sa mga taong mahal nila.. Di ko namang sinasabing may naprove na ko pero atleast i made things based on my own will at i tasted every consequences at prices of my decisions. Yup this is Isip-Ipis at this is how employment changed me and my perceptions in life. Goodluck to all of us!!

SINO BA ANG TUNAY NA MATALINO??

Ano nga ba ang ibig sabihin ng pagiging matalino at paano mo masasabing matalino ang kausap mo? Bakit may mga taong kahit kakapanganak pa lang e sinasabihan na matalino sila? At ano nga ba ang koneksyon ng nunal sa ulo, balunbalunan, pisngi, noo at kung saan-saan para mahulaan ang kapalaran, kakayahan at ang magiging asawa ng isang tao??(sino nga ba ang nagpa-uso nyan?? Hanepshit!!hinayupak siya!!!) Bakit ang mga aso, ipis, pusa at iba pang mga hayop ay walang nunal? Bukod nga ba sa spirit e nunal din ang basihan ng pagiging unique ng mga tao sa iba pang nilalang dito sa mundo?hmmmnn..

sabi nga sa wikang ingles,, "we spend our lives believing that everything happens for a reason, when in reality, we just give reason for everything that happens.."( Kris Aquino: TaAmah!) Oo,tama... marami na akong nakilala na sinisi sa tadhana ang kapalaran nila..PERO-ang tanong ni Isip Ipis: " KAILAN PA DUMATING SI TADHANA AT NAGSABING TOTOO SIYA?at sadyang mapaglaro??" hmmn,,, aba,,playful pala si Destiny kung sakali..makipaglaro kaya ako ng chess sa kanya??

SA totoo lang, wala naman talagang mahirap intindihin as long as...(ten tenenen tenen) my utak ka.. Oo..ung literal..may UTAK. Kung may kakayahan kang mag isip, kahit gaano kaliit ang utak...kahit sabihin na nating kasing liit ng sa ipis, lamok, kuto, garapata, langgam o (sige,,lakihan natin ng konti)...sa manok ay yakang yaka mong sagutan ng difficult questions sa statistics, accounting at calculus...(huwaaattt??!!) hwag kang mamangha..maniwala ka..

sabi nga nanaman sa wikang ingles.."it's not on what you have...it's on how you do on what you have" 

USAPING ASO NI ISIP-IPIS..

Dahil jan, pupunta tayo sa usaping aso.. Oo..ang mga cutie cutes at nakakta-cutes na mga aso.. my isang researcher,, si Brian Hare na kung saan trip gumawa ng experiment sa mga katalinuhn ng mga hayop.. may dalwang cups..yung isa may lamang pagkain..(hindi ako sure kung spagetti or chicken cordon blue) at yung isa wala.. Ngayon,,tinitigan nya ng malufette yung aso na tipong umaalab at nanlilisik...habang tinituro yung cup na may laman.. Alam mo ang nangyari?? Pinuntahan nung aso ung tinuturo ni pareng Hare,,galing!!<*clap! clap! clap!*>..

ngayon...sinubukan nya yun sa mga chimpanzees na may 98.6% ng ating genes.. Aba,,parang tao na ang size ng utak nila PERO- sa di inaasahang pag kakataon,, kahit paulit-ulit titigan ni Hare ang may laman na cup...at kahit literal na apoy..(Oo,,,apoy!!) at usok ang lumabas sa tenga at ilong nya na halos mag kulay sile ang kanyang mukha...siya ay natapos na sawi at ang masaklap pa,,,tinawanan lang ng mga unggoy ang kaawa-awang si Hare(AAAaaay..jemar: sori boy!)

Bilang pampalubag loob, hinanapan na lamang niya ng explanation ang kalunos-lunos na pangyayari.. Sabi nya..(in slang),"dogs are students of human movements" ang aso kasi ay good observer...yung tipong kayang bilanginang muta mo sa mata..at gaya ni madam Auring,,marunong din silang mang hula...OOOppss! hindi ng kapalaran kundi ng nararamdaman ng isang tao... tumitingin sila sa mata ng tao,,,saan ito nakatingin at ano ang ibig sabihin ng kanilang mga tingin..kung natatakot,, nakakaloko,,nanlalambing,,naaawa,,nanlalait at marami pang iba..

Eto..kung nakikita nilang takot ka sa kanila...aba...feeing nila di na sila simpleng aso kundi mga leon at nanlalapa ng tao...(grrrr...)at kung naisipan mo pang tumakbo..nakku!!patay kang bata ka..PERO-kung ipapakita mong di ka takot sa kanila at siyempre karespe-respeto ka,,,hmmmnn..iba nang usapanyan...sa una,,magtatapang tapang lang ang mga yan..taposs..go,,,atras para di halatang takot din sila..galing!

Alam mo ba ang sikreto kung paano mapapaamo ang mga ibat-ibang uri ng aso??kahit anong ugali nila kahit sila yung tipong kumikitil ng buhay ng kapwa aso at tao walang kawala dito.. Ayon kay ninong Cesar Millan,,tulad ng tao, kilangan din ng mga aso ang discipline,exercise at affection..Sabi nya,,(IN SLANG ULIT) "they need a very simple routine: exercise,food,work then reward " nang paulit-ulit,ulit,ulit,ulit..(kulet!)Oo...you need to be makulet...yes...makulet!!in order for them to follow you..hmmnn..

at dito na nagtatapos ang isang makabuluhang talakayan..

Sana'y natulungan ka ni Isip-Ipis..

_the end_